I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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