in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
