I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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