Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
