my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
