Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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