I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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