I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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