Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
