I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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