Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
