thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
