We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
