and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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