You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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