I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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