I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
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Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
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Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize