Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
