my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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