I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
