So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
