VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
