went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
