i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
