What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
