I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
