I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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