you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
