Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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