Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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