doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
