I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
