i jhust puked up my retainher.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
