dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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