I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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