You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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