Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
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You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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