It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
