You really coming over, don't trick.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
