So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
