Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize