No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This baby is an asshole
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
