Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
