Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
