i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
