also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
