I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just had sex on a roof
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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