i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
