There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize