Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
