This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
