hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
soo... how was my night?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
