just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
