hell yes lets make some ravioli
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
