There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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