he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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