I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
and she was petting her beer can
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
