i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
