I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
