She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
