your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
